Frankly, My Dear ....
This'll be a short one. It's about emails and what NOT to do! The following missive found it's way into my inbox last week. No – it's not exactly spam, at one time or another I asked for further information and been too lazy to un-subscribe.
The message starts out:
"A special message for readers of XYZInvestors E-letter."
A "special message" directed to an entire mailing list! That sure rings true, doesn't it?
But wait! The best part comes next:
"Frankly, I am quite concerned about you."
C'mon! Who are they kidding? They really want me to believe that the CEO of this investment company sat down and wrote this email because he's personally "quite concerned" about me? If he was so concerned, he'd of addressed the silly thing using my name! Or sent me a letter. Or called me on the phone.
"Frankly?" That rings about as true as the word "voluntary" on a tax form.
Frankly – the guy couldn't care less if I was pushing up daisies.
Then, this individual who is "frankly concerned about me" writes:
"
My name is Blue Hobb (not really!), and you may know me best from my many years reporting on economic, investing and world news on XYZ. But I'm writing today, specifically, to offer you a little help sorting out all the risks, and opportunities, in today's U.S. stock market."
Listen, Mr. Hobb – if you're so concerned about me – why do you need to tell me who you are? I'd know anyone who was so interested in my well being. And I'd surely know it if they were some famous friend writing for a big news agency.
The email goes on and tries to hawk free reports galore and of course the opportunity to try "a risk-free trial subscription to
"The Blue Hobbs Investment Letter." (name changed.)
Learn From The Above Mistakes
For anyone writing promotional emails or Spamatizing – (a word I invented! Feel free to steal it – just give me credit once in a while) – learn from these mistakes.
No one in a million years really thinks that you are personally concerned about them – especially in email correspondence.
Don't try and sound like a rich old beloved Uncle giving free advice while at the same time trying to sell stock in your uranium mine.
And don't insult your readers by telling them who you are after you've just shed crocodile tears over their plight in life.
Be up front.
Be forthright.
And most of all - be honest with your readers.
(Now if I could only get those dozens of Nigerian Colonels with 40 million dollars apiece – each ready to split the loot with me - to cough up the cash, I'd be on easy street!)
