While researching the competition, I found this wonderful ditty on the web. It's taken right off the main web page of a company that positions itself as a full service creative marketing agency. Of course I changed their name to protect the guilty. Let's have some fun ....
OK - what the heck did they just say?
Quick! What does this company offer and why should you part with your hard earned cash by hiring them?
Bet you don't know.
Because after reading it three times - I sure as Hades don't know how they're going to make my cash register ring.
Why in the name of whatever deity one holds holy would a company that touts their copywriting and advertising expertise put this as lead copy on their website?
Just whom are they trying to impress? It sure as shootin' ain't the prospective client. (Yes – I could be using more flowery language – but this site is rated PG!)
Let's imagine you're in the market for an agency to do your copywriting and perhaps even your entire advertising campaign. You find this site on the web and take a look.
From what you just read, what would inspire you to hire them to do the job?
The simple answer is... Nothing. Zilch. Nada.
If a "creative marketing" company can't even grab your interest on their main web page, why would you even consider using them to create copy for your business?
Let's take this point by point.
Marketing driven by strategic thinking, precision targeting and response building creativity.
Huh? This is what you'd expect to see in some second rate college textbook for a course labeled Marketing 101. It says nothing and means less.
What they're trying to say is that once they get your business, their team will sit down, come up with a plan, figure out the best outlets to advertise your product or service and then develop a creative marketing plan to meet your goals and expectations.
...plus, performance enhanced through process efficiency, campaign management tools, and cost saving quality initiatives.
This is even more obscure. What is "process efficiency?" What "campaign management tools" will be used? And what in thunder is a "cost-saving quality initiative?" Firing your lazy son-in-law?
Do you know one whit more after reading these few sentences on how they're going to help you meet the payroll and retire rich? Nope - you sure don't.
Let's plod through some more copy.
XYZ Corporation impacts our clients' marketing success from both the topline and the bottomline.
Really ! They'll impact your success from the "topline to the bottom line!" What exactly is a "topline?" And will the impact on the bottom line success be good or bad? Who knows - they don't say.
As a multi channel agency, XYZ Corporation plans, executes, and integrates successful response marketing programs.
That's nice, you think. Multi Channel? Are they in cahoots with cable TV? How will that help you? And thanks for telling us that you're successful. We could never tell by your copy.
And as accomplished business and process consultants, we utilize a "best practices" methodology to enhance marketing services and operations for our clients.
It's said that a donkey loves to hear itself bray. XYZ must own that particular donkey. First they pat themselves on the back - then proceed to tell you about a "best practices" methodology which means diddly-squat to anyone but them.
The results: an integrated and holistic marketing approach delivering maximum marketing ROI.
Shoot this horse already! An "integrated and holistic approach" indeed.
Are we talking about selling product or a commune of diverse ethnic nationalities devouring organic mangoes?
Their approach will somehow deliver a "maximum marketing ROI." Excuse me, but does that mean "bring in the bucks?" If so - say so!
Eight lines. That's what the original text had. (The original used a smaller font.)
Eight lines of puff... puff laced with twenty-five dollar words.
Time for a brew. Or two!
