My wife got an e-mail from her credit card company the other day.

 

So…what were they touting this time?

 

Was it special discount deals? Nope. New service announcements? Uh Uh. Perhaps lower interest rates? (Yeah, right! That'll be the day.)

 

They were touting how great it would be for her to save the land, save the earth, save the trees - by switching to online billing.

 

Please! Gimme a break!

 

Does any one in their right mind believe a credit card company gives a flying fig about the ecology?

 

These are the people who brought us universal default, 30% interest rates, and double cycle billing. (Not to mention a revised bankruptcy law designed to keep the down and out shackled to debt for as long as possible.)

 

Practices that would make Guido the Loanshark question his generosity.

 

"Save the trees" indeed!

 

What they want is this: Another way to squeeze the last drop of profit out of their "customers" by cutting out the paper statement. It saves them money if you do everything online. Pure and simple.

 

And what did they offer my wife to switch to electronic billing?

 

Nothing. Zilch. Nada.

 

Just a touchy-feely image of a tree, and some feel good chin music about "doing your part to keep the trees growing."

 

I love it. "Your part" - as long as "your part" doesn't infringe upon "their" profits.

 

Cut the violin strings, CapOne.

 

If cutting down entire forests would put more green in your pockets, rest assured trees would soon be an endangered species.

 

(Hey, now I see why the "What's in Your Pocket" crowd never shortened their name. "Capone" would be so deliciously right on target!)