This time I'm slaying a different dragon. Print Advertisements. Not the small, 6 line classified type. People who write those can be excused for not having the best copy. I'm talking here the big honking, full color, full page spreads found in trade magazines. In fact – found in one of the premier trade magazines that deal with Direct Marketing – DMNews.

Now you would think that any company advertising their Direct Mail expertise in this publication would do their level damndest to get it right.

You'd think wrong.

In fact - most of the full page spreads I see there are basically worthless. No – make that less than worthless. They make the advertisers that placed them look foolish.

Case Number One - SquareCircle Premier Marketing. (Name changed to protect the guilty and my butt.)

The ad starts off with a big, fat exclamation point. No headline. No banner. Just this exclamation point against a blue field filled with white text copy.

For starters – you can't read the copy. It's justified to fit the curves within the graphic. It melds into the graphic and becomes one with the presentation. Good Zen. Bad advertising.

The color scheme is also poor. White on blue just doesn't cut it.

I then noticed something about the blue background surrounding the graphic. It had what appeared to be text copy. I say "appeared to be" because at first it looked like bleed-through from the opposite page.

Nope – it was part and parcel of the ad.

Good going! It must be a new take on subliminal advertising. Text you can't even recognize as true copy!

We now get to the meat of the matter. A subhead and copy. The subhead?

Yep – that's it. So what? Tells me nothing. It's a yawner. Yea - I know it's supposed to enhance the graphic. It "don't."

OK – we plod further down.

The Subhead Copy.

"Combining Data, Technology and Industry Expertise to Help Clients Deliver Acquisition, Retention and Growth Programs that Impact the Bottom Line."

Guys from SquareCircle – listen up: Cut the corporate newspeak!

• Does this jump out and grab me by the wallet? No.
• Does it make me think "Hey! I need these people!" No.
• Does it even make me feel that the ad is directed towards me personally? No.

It does however read like something out of their yearly stockholder's report.

Then comes the copy – the selling stuff. Unfortunately – it doesn't sell. I counted about 65 words. Out of those one single solitary word was "you." That's it. ( To be fair: They did have the word "clients" in there. Once. )

You created a stunning work of art that would look great on poster sized glossy paper, framed and hanging in your corner office.

• You can't scan it.
• You can't read it.
• You can't understand it.

The only marketing genius I see here is the guy who sold this to the CEO of SquareCircle in the first place.

And Mr. CEO – Whatssup with You?

• Did you review this ad before approving it?
• Did you ask to see what it would look like on newsprint paper in actual size?
• Did you step aside and think: "Well it looks pretty – but I'll be cussed if I can read it!"

Probably not. If so – perhaps you need a new pair of eye glasses.

The one's you're using now just aren't up to snuff. Period.

No – make that Exclamation Point.