A Dozen Sure Fire Ways to
Lose Your Web Customers
- Open your site with Flash. Your customers will just love waiting for it to load, especially those in a hurry. The rest will sit enthralled at the snazzy graphics touting your greatness.
- Use red letters on a black background. This will ensure only those with eagle-eyed vision will be reading your copy.
- Make sure you use obscure, small, strange looking fonts. Your customers will see how innovative you are while they squint their way around your site.
- Tell ‘em how great you are! Let them know that you know that you’re the best. Drive it home as often as possible. Who cares what the customer wants!
- Use mumbo-jumbo jargon. Invest in ten dollar words. Use college professor copy. Let your visitors see how smart you and your company are.
- Put the main navigation at the bottom. Make your customers search the entire page to find out how to get to where they want to go.
- Before potential clients enter – make absolutely sure that they register! Requiring a name, password and personal information makes it known that you want only committed buyers. The rest can go elsewhere.
- Bury all important information seven pages deep and in a ton of legalese. That way if a customer service problem happens, you’ll be covered and they’ll be screwed.
- Make it as difficult as possible to order! Put in pre-registration screens, data-mining questionnaires, and a ton of advertising before they part with their credit card info. After all, your main goal is to build a marketing plan – right?
- Keep it stale! Your customers will see that you’re one of the staid and steadfast ones that laugh in the face of change.
- Make sure you choose a web name that no one in a million years could remember. It’ll hone your customers memory to a fine edge.
- Use Graphics, Graphics, Graphics! People don’t read anyway. Treat the Web like an expanded TV. A picture’s worth a thousand words. And besides, look how much money you’ll save by not having to hire a competent copywriter!
